MARC: Mark, it's a pleasure to have you with us today. Let me start by asking you a question. Why was the show called Perfect Strangers? You didn't know Balki. Balki didn't know you. That's hardly a perfect situation.
MLB: It's an expression.
MARC: I see.
MLB: I thought my agent specifically requested that we not talk about that show.
MARC: You're right. I forgot. I'm sorry, MLB.
MLB: Please don't call me MLB.
MARC: No Perfect Strangers, no MLB. You're working up quite the Do Not Call list over there.
MLB: I'm sorry. It's just that it's taken me many years for people to recognize the hyphen.
MARC: Let's move on then. How's the water for you? Too hot?
MLB: It's actually just right. How'd you get it so perfect?
MARC: Listen, you're an actor, right? You know how to turn on the tears, right? Well, I know how to turn on the water.
MLB: It's very pleasant.
MARC: And so are you, Mark.
MLB: Why are you gripping me so tightly?
MARC (disgusted): Boy, that just burns me up.
MLB: I think the water is nice.
MARC: Forget the water! We were having a nice moment there and you go and ruin it with a question like that.
MLB (apologetic): No, please don't misinterpret--Ouch. OK, you're squeezing a little harder now.
MARC (growing infuriated): Sometimes I just can't control myself.
(MLB narrows his eyes and relaxes his body. In a flash, he spins to face Marc and delivers a thrusting palm heel strike to his head. Marc stumbles backwards; stunned. MLB recoils to a relaxed defensive position.)
MARC (regains his senses): You done fucked up. Mookie, attack!
(MLB hears a growl and turns to see MOOKIE, Marc's towel dog, hurtling through the air with growling fangs.)
MLB: NO!!!!!
Tune in tomorrow for an all new Daily Shower!
Brilliance.
One iota of imperfection, however: While Mookie might be a threat to knock MLB . . . (forgive me while I pause to consider the coincidence of talking about Mookie Wilson and the league in which his namesake played) . . . down in exitement if MLB had a ball or two in hand, I've never known the jovial Mook to ever growl or bare his teeth toward any person (though on second thought, MLB might very well be an exception).
Posted by: Bragan | June 09, 2004 at 11:12 AM