EDITOR'S NOTE: This is what happens when we have guests stop by unannounced. Marc reaches for his piece. Fortunately, the visitor identified himself before Marc pulled the trigger. And wouldn't you know, it was Teen Wolf Scott Howard!
MARC: You scared me at first, buddy.
TEEN WOLF: I'm sorry. Didn't mean to startle you. Just wanted to drop in and say hello.
MARC: And I'm glad you did. What've you been up to?
TEEN WOLF: Still working at my dad's hardware store. I'm aslo running a midnight basketball league in my hometown.
MARC: Funny you bring up basketball. I've always wanted to ask you about that.
TEEN WOLF: Go for it.
MARC: How did becoming a werewolf make you such a good basketball player? I could understand the enhanced sense of smell and your overall increased strength but basketball?
TEEN WOLF (howls): I wish I could give you an answer.
MARC: Because your nails alone would puncture the ball, no? Maybe if you were biten by Dr. J and turned into an African-American or something. That'd make sense.
TEEN WOLF: You're the first person to ask me that. No one seems to mind.
MARC: Really? That's surprising. I hate to say it but standing here with you, you're very disturbing to look at, physically.
TEEN WOLF: It's all the hair.
MARC (diplomatically): That's part of it...a lot of it is the smell.
TEEN WOLF (sniffs himself): Really?
MARC: You can't smell that?
TEEN WOLF: You'd think I would but no. Here's the rub, I got this fucking canine nose for everything else, I can pick up the rotten nectarine in your trash downstairs but I can't monitor my own stench.
MARC: That is a rub. How about rubbing some soap on that pelt you got there?
(Marc hands Teen Wolf a bar of Irish Spring.)
TEEN WOLF (slightly dejected): Thanks.
MARC: Hey, buck up, buddy. It's not your fault.
TEEN WOLF (sadly): Yeah, it's genetic.
MARC: You're a special person.
TEEN WOLF: I know.
MARC: I want to hear you say it.
TEEN WOLF (mumbles): I'm a special person.
MARC (hands on hips): I'm not convinced.
TEEN WOLF (louder): I'm a special person.
MARC: That's right!
TEEN WOLF: I'm a special person!
MARC: Yeah!
TEEN WOLF (howls): I'M A SPECIAL PERSON!!!
I hear you're not like other boys, Marc. Does that mean you're a werewolf too? Just like in the Thriller video?
Posted by: Diana | July 28, 2004 at 01:50 PM
No it doesn't mean that I'm a werewolf, too.
Happy now?
Posted by: Marc | July 28, 2004 at 04:43 PM
I have two more questions for Mr. Howard:
1. How did "Boof" get her nickname?
2. Is his cousin still boxing?
Posted by: Emily | July 28, 2004 at 04:44 PM
Good to see you used a firearm to assist your attempt to rape Teen Wolf.
Posted by: Shark | May 11, 2005 at 04:34 AM
I <3 Teen Wolf.
Posted by: Lobo | March 23, 2006 at 12:32 PM
You haven't showered in a long time, my friend. It scares me to see somebody withdraw from this good-smelling hobbie or obsession and retreat into God knows what. It can only be dirty. So, it's time to get wet again.
Posted by: Hutti | May 15, 2006 at 02:10 AM