The Daily Shower

Marc at Work

8:02 AM - Turned on shower and stepped inside.

8:03 AM - Stared at tiles.

8:08 AM - Stopped staring at tiles and picked up Dove soap.  Made a mental note of the malleability of Dove soap when wet.  Made second, unrelated mental note to rent Men at Work at my earliest convenience.  Made final mental note not to question the homoerotic underpinnings of second mental note.

8:09 AM - Lathered body.  Recalled an early boyhood memory when a coarse, overtly racist friend of mine made a decidedly Dandified remark that the liquid hand soap in the boy's bathroom at our grade school failed to provide a sufficient amount of "lather."

8:12 AM - Splashed feet in water.

8:13 AM - As today is Thursday, I skipped applying my Neutrogena T/Gel (that's "T" FOWARD SLASH Gel) anti-dandruff shampoo.  My NTG schedule is Sun. and Wed.

8:14 AM - Stared at tiles.

1:32 PM - Stopped staring at tiles and got out.

Watch Your Back, Anwar

Last week the Senate gave the greenlight to start drilling Anwar, reported USA Today. 

While Anwar is not the strongest contestant on American Idol he surely does not deserve a government sanctioned ass pouding.  The Senate approved this measure by a 51-49 vote. 

The article touches upon opposition to the drilling:

Opponents of ANWR [sic] drilling say that's not worth the risk to caribou, polar bears and migratory birds who make their home in the refuge...

I have not seen any of the above mentioned animals on the show.  Looks like the liberal media is up to its old tricks.

Those behind the measure say that it has yet to be determined who or what will do the actual drilling. 

One thing is certain, Anwar will surely be Aiken.

Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Shower Curtain

"Caffeinated soap may help you wake up in the shower," reports the Albany Times Union yesterday.

A vegetable-based glycerine soap, Shower Shock is scented with peppermint oil[...] In addition, each 4-ounce bar is infused with caffeine anhydrous.

Blah.  Blah.  Blah.

This is what my life has become.  Googling "shower" to find comedic fodder for The Daily Shower.  Between that and searching endlessly for barely legal girls on Myspace, Friendster and Nerve, I've pretty much hit bottom.  But there's still hope.*

*No there's not.

He So Crazy: Bush chooses Martin as next FCC chairman

In a surprising move, President Bush has appointed Martin as the new chairman of the FCC, Reuters reported earlier today.

It was not specified what role, if any, Sheneneh would be given in Martin's office.  But insiders say that Bruh Man and Tommy are under consideration for advisory positions.

Cole could not be reached for comment.

UPDATE:

Rob A. makes an interesting point:

"Bush is really trying to heal the riff between his adminstration and Hollywood. Look at his latest nomination: Portman Selected as Trade Representative.  She looks the part."

Agreed.

It should also be noted that Bush reached out to the sports community last year when he chose Rice to replace Colin Powell as Secretary of State.

Old Enough to be Your Father Knows Best

The other day I mentioned that I would like to give her the low-hand.  Looks like Hudson Hawk beat me to it.  The NY Post reports:

At an after-after-party at the Peninsula Hotel early yesterday, [Bruce] Willis, who turns 50 this month, and teen queen Lindsay Lohan, 18, enjoyed a mutual gropefest.

Thankfully I'm in the shower so cleaning up my vomit won't be much of a problem.

It continues:

"At one point, Bruce had Lindsay's pants down far enough to reveal a tattoo that said 'La Bella Vista' (The Beautiful View) on her right cheek," says our spywitness.

Do we really need to be told that is a beautiful view?

Finally:

...Willis and a few friends, including Lohan, took the party upstairs to his suite...

...where Bruce read from Le Petit Prince and put Lindsay to bed. 

Poor girl.  A precious flower blossoming with innocence sullied by a turtle headed old man. 

In a related note, a trailer for Willis' new movie, Hostage, proclaims, "Bruce Willis has never been better."  Really?  Better than what?

UPDATE: Ass Backwards

Unfortunately, the NY Post corrects itself today with:

The tattoo on her "lower back" — as her spokeswoman places it — doesn't say "La Bella Vista," it says, "La Bella Vita" (The Good Life).

Suddenly life doesn't mean as much to me now.

There is this tibdit, however:

Lohan's rep said: "She is not interested in Bruce Willis in any way but as the producer of her next film."

Or her first child.

I'd Give Her the Low Hand

The Daily Shower has been on sick leave for the past couple days.  Needless to say, Marc hasn't had the energy to bathe.  He is, however, looking for someone to lend him a Lohan in the shower.  He'll also settle for a Hayek.

Daily Shower Dating: Updated!

Here's another installment of the Daily Shower's online dating service: Date Meordie!

Profile Name: The Skipphim
Profile Quote: “All hands on dick, it’s the Admiral!”
Active within: 2 days
Sexually Active within: 1 week

Man looking for a woman who wants a man not a woman

I’m interested in: (Note: “X” indicates selection)

Friendship:
Dating:
Committed relationship:
Whoring: X

About Me
Age: 61
Location: Thailand
Country: USA
Job: Admiral
Relationship Status: Married
Drink: Like a fish
Smoke: Like a ham
Drugs: Never

About You
Ages between: 18+
Location: Starboard bow
Favorite TV Show: McHale's Navy

What about your wife, Admiral?:

I’ve been on a boat for the past eighteen months. My wife is sixty-five years old. You do the math.

What’s the fluorescent red background in your picture about?:

It’s the Orient, baby. You try finding a photo shop with a white background. You’re lucky I’m not wearing a lime green wetsuit.

Five items I can’t live without:
1. A deck to swap
2. Crokies for my glasses (I can’t tell you how many pairs I’ve lost looking over the side of the ship) 
3. Ship in a bottle of rum
4. Coral reefer (a few hits never hurt no one)
5. My Segway

Celebrity I most resemble:
Ernest Borgnine

Essay:

Not only am I a sea fairing man, I’m also a fair man. Granted this isn’t exactly fair to my wife but I’m almost certain she’s serviced by brother’s hang-low at least a few times while I’ve been out to sea. So, I’m requesting the company of a Thai woman during leave at my next port of call.